Monday, December 22, 2003
Slow Motion Living
Laziness is not what everyone thinks. You see someone sitting on the couch watching tv all day, or at the computer playing video games, or just lounging in bed a little too long and you think, he's lazy. At least in my case, it's not laziness, it's A.D.D. I have many ambitions, many things I'd like to be doing. But when it comes time to do something about it, I can't see past the mountain of work that I assume must be involved. And still, that's not laziness. I'm not afraid of doing meticulous, tedious work. You should come to my job with me sometime and see what I do all day, or sit for hours with me as I do one of my drawings. No, laziness is not the correct lable for what is wrong with me. I can't focus. I can't formulate a plan of action. I can't remember what it is I want to do long enough to set out and do it. My head is a clouded fish tank floating with debris and dead fish. I have to muck around in it for hours to find a live one, something I'd like to work on. But even when I'm excitedly making plans and going forward, my thoughts dart away from me. I don't have the right lure or net. Something. I'm nothing if not tangential. I'm always flitting away from the point. Is there anything I can do? I think I could be really successful if I could only focus.