Friday Traffic Report

I'm thinking of starting a new regular entry detailing my adventures in traffic. Almost every day as I huddle behind the wheel on my way to or from work, some near-calamity thrusts itself my direction. If I only had a nickel for every close call, every "just a couple more inches and I would have been . . . ." I'm not from Utah. Where I grew up, Utahns were notorious for being terrible drivers. But those were just stories told from the front lines to those of us who were safe at home, far away from the battlefield. Now I'm in the middle of it, immersed in a war in which I'm an unwilling conscript, singing the battle cry stolen from "Syncronicity II:" "Packed like lemmings into shiny metal boxes/contestants in a suicidal race" which gives little comfort.

Since this is the first traffic report here, I'll start by describing some of the most harrowing incidents I can remember. The road I take from work is of the two-lane county variety--speed limit 50 mph. The average speed, however, is more like 60 or 65. I go the speed limit. I can't afford traffic tickets and it seems like every time I've forgotten myself and gone over the limit, I've been pulled over. So I don't speed. This makes me and others like me a real pain in the behind to most other drivers as it is difficult to pass someone on this road. One day someone who was directly in front of me and obviously in a hurry was weaving in and out of the lane looking for a chances to pass. The opportunity never arose so he went anyway, causing the oncoming car to swerve out onto the shoulder to avoid a head on. After that car passed, our friend--who now was clear to go back into his lane in front of the car he was passing--decided he didn't want to after all and slipped back in behind me. I decided it was best to put some distance between us and slowed down. Then he tried it again and again had a near head-on collision. This time he pulled in front of the car he was passing but a little too close and almost hit it, causing the driver to swerve out of his way. The way in front of him now being clear, our hero romped on the gas pedal and sped away--until he had to slow again three seconds later as another car was going the speed limit. Luckily, by this time I had reached my turn off and was able to exit the situation.

Today as I was getting on the freeway, a woman would not slow down to let me merge from the onramp. I had few options myself. There were cars directly behind and in front of her. She sped up just enough to let me squeeze in behind her, the polite thing to do in utah, I guess. She got her come uppance, however. She signaled to change lanes and began doing so when the car next to me (at least two car lengths behind her) saw her doing this and accelerated so she couldn't. Apparently in Utah, when someone signals, it means, "do everything in your power to keep me from changing lanes."