Dinky's Docket

It's my birthday and I'm pretty miserable about it--feeling sorry for myself in a big way. I found out you can't tell people that, though. They just can't handle it. First of all, they feel bad that they didn't know, then they feel bad that you're feeling miserable, so they just walk away. So I'm telling my old (well...new) friend, the blog.

A few weeks ago I heard someone on the radio describing someone else as "thirty-five or forty." I'd never thought about it before, but this time it struck me hard. "Wait a minute!" I thought--or said out loud, as I frequently do when I'm alone--"I'm thirty-five and now I'm lumped in with those old farts, the forty-year-olds!" Well, today I'm thirty-six. Thirty is waving at me and trying to get my attention but we're separated by six years and forty-five pounds. Twenty-seven hit me pretty hard, and now it's thirty-six. Kind of strange.

But on to other things. I hate phone solicitors. Now I just hang up immediately but one time one sneaked through. I knew immediately from the background sounds that he was a solicitor but he was a little too quick for me. He asked for Mrs. Chickenshorts so I asked who was calling. With an indignant tone to his voice he said something like "Jake." For some reason I was caught off guard and handed the phone to my wife who had to deal with it herself and finally hung up anyway. Here is what I wish had happened:

"Hello?"
"Hello. Is Mrs. Chickenshorts in?"
"May I tell her who's calling?"
"Um, Jake."
"Wait a minute...is this the guy she's been running around with?" Away from the phone a little: "I knew there was something going on behind my back...I've got your sweetie buns on the phone!" To the phone: "Where do you live Jake. I'd like to come and have a chat with you."
"Uh, sir, this isn't what you think..."
"I'll tell you what I think, Jake, I think you'd better stay the hell away from my wife unless you want me to pull that wagging tongue of yours out of your head!" Click.
It could be a little more colorful, but you get the idea. There's a great little site about phone solicitors.