The Magic Kingdom? Not Quite.

For those of you not from Utah or Idaho, we have our own amusement park here called Lagoon. Actually, I'm not sure who gets amused by it. I surely don't. It's a hack job of a Disneyland rip off; an immobile traveling carnival that doesn't go anywhere, only the barkers are not hardened criminal types, they're 16 to 18 year old kids whose purpose in life is to squeeze a little more cash out of people who were already robbed for parking money and the entrance fee. A family in my income bracket has to take out a loan to go to this park. Now that's amusing. One obnoxious young woman was shouting at us to pay her two bucks for her to guess our weight or age for a chance to win something worth about twenty cents. She kept on and on about it until someone behind us said, "We don't have any money," to which she replied, "Why do you come to Lagoon without any money?" I wanted to say, "We had some until you raped us at the gate!"

Then there are the rides. Every day we have to endure commercials about the new attractions like "The Spider and the Fly," "Cliffhanger," and "Samurai." The ads make them sound like they're worth the arm and a leg you'll be handing over to ride them. But take it from me, they're not. I love a great ride. I'll do anything--drop straight down sixty feet, for instance--but I guess I've been spoiled by the real parks. Since my grandparents lived in L.A., we'd go to Disneyland every year. Also, I was a child then and everything was bigger and more exciting. I want that experience everytime I go to Lagoon and I don't get it. I might be getting old, but if I have to mortgage everything I own to ride on some contraption, it better be the equivalent of a base jump!

When my mother called a couple of days ago and said she was getting our family tickets to Lagoon, the kids went nuts, of course. And that is one way in which I can enjoy Lagoon. My children are young enough that they haven't been on a real rollercoaster yet. I coaxed my eight-year-old on the Spider and, though he didn't want to go on it at first, it became his favorite ride. The kids had a lot of fun. They love Lagoon. But then, they aren't the targets of the greedy barkers and they don't understand the implications of an 8 ounce bottle of water costing six bucks. So Lagoon is 150 acres of magic to them. To me it's a vacation from which I need to take a vacation.